1st Family Christmas

Despite the family shuffle being exhausting, it was SO great to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Evening with our beautiful family. We went up to Orange County to visit my family for Christmas Eve/my sister's birthday. We just hung around the house and spent quality time with everyone which was long overdue and really fun. We woke up Christmas morning to a happy, cooing baby and watched Home Alone while eating cinnamon rolls, eggs and sausage (and coffee, of course:). Around 1 o'clock we headed to Chase's parent's house to celebrate. We opened presents and hung out until the rest of the family came over for a delicious meal and more present opening... There were great clothes, books and a ton of toys but the greatest gift of all was a donation made to an incredible ministry down in Nicaragua called Love, Light and Melody (lovelightandmelody.org). Here are some pictures from the weekend:

Auntie G, Cruz, Mama and Nana

1st Family Christmas photo:)

Gamy & Cruz

Uncle D & Cruz

Aunt Marsha & Cruz

Cruz trying to figure out the his new toy

We got this toy from the Baldwins & McMasters a couple of months ago and it's his FAVORITE..

Cruz trying out his new jumperoo, which he now loves despite the picture:)

Dear Cruz,

The last 2 weeks have been rough. Literally once you hit 4 months old it's like I have a different baby. You wake up 30-45 minutes into every nap, screaming. I go through my checklist: is it a burp? is he hungry? is it a blowout? is he teething? Once I've gone through and eliminated all of these and there's still crying, I can't help but get overwhelmed by the "world" crashing down around me. My personality thrives on organization, routine, and "having it together", which is really quite ridiculous, I know, but it's true. When you wake up at 7am, eat every 3 hours with 1.5-2 hour naps in between each feeding and then sleep 12 hours at night, I feel like I have accomplished something great (notice how I said "I"... again, ridiculous, I know). Well, these past 2 weeks have been a whirlwind of emotion for me as none of these things have been a daily norm. You cry more in 1 day than you have the past 4 months put together and it's definitely wearing me thin but it's also a huge reality check that I'm extremely thankful for. My expectation to control the situation, be on a schedule, and "have it all together" all the time is completely unrealistic and, frankly, puts you up to some very high standards that I'm just not willing to impose on you anymore. I'm also not willing to give up any confidence in myself as a parent due to senseless, unattainable goals I try to reach on a daily basis. It's not worth the stress and heartache of being disappointed in myself as a mom because you didn't nap well or were fussy all day. You are going to have off days where you just want to cry and be difficult and it's my honor as your mama to be there and help you through it without getting lost in my own fear of failing.

As humans, we're never going to "have it all together" or be able to control the situations we come across. Of course, we can do our best to make good decisions but if we had it all together and had all the answers to all of our questions, where would God fit into the picture? When we rely on ourselves and put these crazy expectations on our own abilities and the abilities of those around us it will continually lead to disappointment and the feeling of failure.

I think God intended us to have the same type of relationship with one another as we have with Him. This relationship is not built on control and disappointment due to lack of control, but on grace, mercy, unconditional love and freedom, where compliance doesn't reign but love does. I don't want to have it all together and I most certainly don't want you to feel like you have to have it all together. I want you to feel free to make mistakes and have an off day without the fear of disappointing yourself or anyone around you. You are free, Cruz, and my prayer for you is that you will never be burdened by the fear of failing or disappointment but experience the freedom God has given you through your Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ... the freedom to stumble and fall and not "have it all together" and still know with complete confidence and faith that you are constantly forgiven and always unconditionally loved...

"..where the spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty." 2 Cor 3:17

It's Christmas Time!

So, the McBride's opted out of decorating this year and here's why... ZEKE! He will destroy any Christmas tree, garland, mistletoe, ornament, you name it and he will eat it. We realize we need to get him used to Christmas decorations at some point but the fact of the matter is Cruz won't remember this Christmas anyway, so we're waiting until next year to get wrapped up in the holiday decor (which I can't wait for by the way!). At least we have this photo for Cruz to look back on...

about 2 seconds after this was taken, Cruz was SCREAMING! santa is scary to a little guy:)

4 Months!

17lbs, 26 inches & 17 1/2 inch head:)

Cruz had his 4 month check up today and he is doing great. It was funny because as soon as the nurse came in and I stepped out of view Cruz started screaming. I thought it had something to do with a memory of his shots last time but the doctor said he's going through his "stranger anxiety" stage. He did the same thing yesterday when I dropped him off at the day care at my gym. This stage apparently lasts a few weeks, so if you happen to meet Cruz for the first time in the coming weeks I am apologizing in advance for his crying at the sight of you:). He is in the 88th percentile for height and weight and (of course) 98th percentile for head size. I asked the doctor if his head size is ok and she said it looked great and is definitely due to genetics, so Cruz can thank Daddy and Jefe for that!

It seems as though Cruz is learning more and more after every time he sleeps. I swear, I put him down for a nap and when he wakes up he's doing something new or getting better at something. He is grabbing/holding toys and putting them in his mouth, standing and sitting (with help, of course), learning to jump and walk around in his jumperoo, and chit chatting a ton! He also loves when you stand him up in your lap and let him reach and grab your face. He definitely has a thing for honking noses. Unfortunately, the little guy is already obsessed with football. I swear he won't watch anything else on TV but when football is on his eyes are glued (see picture below-in USC outfit). Cruz is also reaching the stage where he likes to yell at me when he wants something. When I put him down for independent playtime, he likes to yell and scream (not a happy scream) and then when I walk in he starts laughing. Little dude already knows how to work the system!

Cruz has been sleeping 10-12 hours every night for the last month and a half and is taking 3- 1.5-2 hour naps a day thanks to Babywise. His schedule is pretty predictable every day, which is nice for both him and I because we can both depend on it. So, we have officially been blessed with a very good boy who loves his sleep. Believe me, he definitely has his moments but all in all I think he is just a really low-keyed, happy baby, probably thanks to his Daddy's SUPER chill disposition:). Here are some pics of the little booger:

watching football (sorry for the sideways pic)

holding the remote