I am so in love. I am not only in love with you and your daddy (and Zeke, I guess:) but I'm falling even more in love with God through this incredible blessing of motherhood. Of course there are times of breakdown, impatience, and the occasional urge to scream, but God is teaching me so much through you that I can hardly stay mad if I tried. Lately, He has taught me a little about patience, something that, unfortunately, does not come natural to me.
Today, I was thinking about how incredible it is that God created you knowing how to get your mama's attention-screaming at the top of your lungs (in our case, luckily, it's a tiny little cry:)... Crying out when you're in need, you're in pain, you want something you can't have, you got something you didn't want, or crying just to cry it out. You had no experience coming out of the womb but the first thing you did was cry. You were crying out of faith, which is such a fascinating concept to me...Faith that someone would hear you and your needs would be met - you would be comforted, cared for, fed, burped, bathed, and loved, and you would get what you needed immediately or that crying wouldn't stop:).
"The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness." 2 Pet 3:9
You and I were driving home from Orange County one day when you started crying and, unfortunately for me, it was a hunger cry. I remember saying, "Hold on, Cruzer, be patient. We'll be home in a few minutes". As I spoke those words out loud to you it seemed like God yelled them back at me... "Be patient". Here I am asking a tiny, helpless newborn to "be patient", when, quite often, I scream out to God expecting Him to answer me instantly in the manner in which I want Him to answer. I am hardly ever patient with God when I ask for something I need or want. I pray and I expect Him to react immediately with the results that I think are best for my life, without giving heed to the fact that He is my biggest advocate and always has my best interest in mind. I get so caught up in what I want for my life that I sometimes forget what I really want, which is to walk with God and pursue His will for my life. When we let God take over we are filled with a divine peace and a divine patience we can only achieve when we surrender to our circumstances, drop the reigns, hold up our hands, and admit that we can't do it on our own. He is in control and we should like it that way! I think God is calling us, not to stop screaming out to Him, but to scream out in faith and wait patiently for His perfect timing.
Cruz, I hope you can continue to cry out in faith knowing that your Father will always hear your needs, your wants, and your heart's desires. And I hope that you can wait patiently and confidently for all of your hopes to be fulfilled through His purpose for your life.
I love you, Bubba!
